I came across this blog recently on the following website: https://www.gottman.com/podcast/ and it has some very interesting topics on romantic relationships.
The following blog is called “Curbing your expectations” and is discussing the merits of aiming for a “good enough” rather than a perfect relationship.
Sometimes I come across Twoheartsmeet members who have extremely high standards in a prospective partner and relationship. I always remind them to keep in mind that once the person will commit fully and always have your back, this is a quality that lasts, whereas looks fade with time!
Enjoy the blog below:
Maybe you once thought that if you lower your expectations, you won’t be disappointed by your partner. Or on the flip side, if you had high expectations… everything in your relationship would be perfect, but neither of those expectations are realistic. Instead, shoot for a “good enough” relationship. That might sound like you’re settling for less than best, but it’s really not.
In a good enough relationship, you have high expectations for how you’re treated. You expect your partner to treat you with kindness, love, affection, and respect. You expect your partner to treasure you… and value your feelings and who you are. You expect them to be loyal — and to stand by your side. You absolutely do not tolerate emotional or physical abuse.
A good enough relationship isn’t sunshine and butterflies all the time though — you’ll still have disagreements with your partner… because well, that’s real life. Every couple argues and actually, conflict is healthy because it leads to a greater understanding.
Just don’t expect to solve all of your relationship problems. A good amount of conflict is perpetual… meaning there are some things that you and your partner will rehash over and over again without progress. Maybe your partner likes to spend Friday nights with you out of the house — they want to go for a long walk or grab a pizza… and all you want to do is melt into the couch because you’re absolutely exhausted. Neither of you can agree, but you can manage conflict constructively.
You can come to a mutual understanding and figure out a compromise that works for both of you. That could mean melting into the couch together THIS Friday and going out for pizza NEXT Friday. And when things get tough… when difficult emotions bubble up… you can repair the situation when you hurt each other. Both of you can say, “I’m sorry” and make an effort to make it better.
You’re good friends. You have a satisfying sex life and make intimacy a priority. You share the same values and ethics, beliefs, rituals… and work towards some of the same goals. You can agree about what a home is, what love is, and how you want or IF you want to raise children. You honour each other’s dreams even if they’re different. You trust each other and you’re completely committed to making your relationship work. Because that’s exactly what you deserve!
So don’t set your sights on some unrealistic “high” standard — strive for a good enough relationship.