Happy ending for a shy guy!

One of our members, we’ll call him Michael, was looking for a dating agency in Kerry when he stumbled upon our website. Michael is in his late 30’s and was hoping to meet a single lady with a view to a long term relationship and settling down together and having a family. He had tried various singles events over the years, had gone on blind dates set up by friends and had tried internet dating sites, but all to no avail. Dating in Kerry wasn’t going his way!

He gave us a call and explained that he was quite shy around women when out socialising. He found it hard to chat to them and get as far as obtaining a phone number. He was very confident in his job and with his male friends but blames the fact he went to an all-boys school as one of the reasons he felt awkward around the opposite sex. He was also a middle child and said that he got lost between his older sister who was very bossy and controlling and his younger brother who was the apple of his mother’s eye. As a result, he entered his 20’s with low self-esteem coupled with shyness. He was also a little wary that all females would be like his sister and he wasn’t sure he wanted to sign up to a life of being hen pecked! Understandably, it made him shy away from strong confident women!

He was matched with two ladies through our dating agency but neither of them went beyond the first date. When I contacted the ladies for feedback they both agreed that even though he was a really nice, genuine and sincere guy, he lacked confidence on a date and he came across as though dating for him was hard work rather than fun. And we all know that “girls just want to have fun” right! Even though he “ticked a lot of the boxes” (for example, he was tall and good looking, had a warm personality, was educated, intelligent, fit and active, had his own house and lots of outside interests, etc) both of them decided he was not for them.

As a result of this feedback we offered Michael a one-to-one dating coaching session. Over a few hours one evening he told us exactly what it was like for him on a date, how he was very nervous in the run up to it, how he dreaded that the lady would judge him based on first impressions, how he would babble on about everything and anything as he felt very uncomfortable with embarrassing silences. Then what inevitably happened was the date would become a self-fulfilling prophecy where everything he hoped wouldn’t happen did actually come to pass.

We gave him some hints and tips so that the next introduction might be more successful. We told him to act naturally and just be himself, act as if he wanted to get to know her as a friend rather than as a girlfriend. This would immediately take off the pressure of trying to impress her. Ask her questions about herself, not about the area where she lives or how many siblings she has but if she enjoys her work or would she have preferred to have gone on a different career path? What was the best holiday she ever had? What was her best memory of her school days? What was her favorite past time and why? And then share similar stories about himself. Keep the conversation balanced, light and fun.

He was very open to taking all our suggestions on board and when he was matched with Anne (not her real name) it was a totally different experience for him. Anne was looking for a dating agency in Tipperary when she found us on the internet and gave us a call. It also helped that she was willing to give someone a chance and she felt that she should go out at least three times with someone before making up her mind about him. He was a lot more relaxed with Anne and felt empowered with the tips we had given him at the coaching session. Three months later, they are still together!

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